


denouement

by SnailArmy



Series: Mechs Femslash 2020 [4]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Death to the Mechanisms Spoilers, Drabble, F/F, Goodbyes, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, ok hurt and a little comfort, possible suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26146900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnailArmy/pseuds/SnailArmy
Summary: Ivy decides her time has come. Raph is left behind.mechs femslash week, prompt: Angst
Relationships: Ivy Alexandria/Raphaella la Cognizi
Series: Mechs Femslash 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896217
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22
Collections: Mechanisms Femslash Week 2020





	denouement

**Author's Note:**

> :3c 
> 
> heed the tags!!

Unsettling as it might seem, knowing the shape of your own death is actually quite reassuring. You can face any situation with confidence when you know you'll be walking away from it. The flip side, of course, is that the same certainty applies to the circumstances of your end. 

It had been a normal day. Raphaella and Ivy were snuggled up under a pile of blankets in some cozy corner of the library, reading their respective books in comfortable silence as they had done so many times before. Things weren't quite the same as they had always been; ever since Marius had died for good a dark solemnity had been hanging over the ship, and even now Raphaella could feel the weight of it heavy on her wings. Maybe that's why she wasn't entirely caught off guard by what Ivy said. 

"I think I'm ready to retire." 

Raph's heart stopped, even before the full meaning of Ivy's words caught up to her. It was... It was. She had known this was coming for a long time, they all had, but she couldn't help wrapping herself tighter around Ivy's body. As if she could keep her here by the force of her love alone. As if either of them really had a choice. 

Still, Raph kept her voice light as she replied. "Okay." She didn't trust herself to say more, and besides, what else was there to say? She planted a soft kiss to her girlfriend's forehead and they both returned to their books, though Raph couldn't focus on the words and diagrams in front of her. 

Ivy wanted to die. 

Ivy was going to die. 

Ivy was going to leave her. 

It was her choice, of course, and Raphaella didn't hold it against her for a second. All of them had been alive for so, so long, been through more than any person should have to endure. Ivy deserved her rest, she deserved her soft epilogue. That didn't stop the feelings of betrayal, of sorrow, of _am I not good enough for her any more?_ from flooding Raph's heart. She didn't even realize she was crying until Ivy was wiping away her tears with the sleeve of her sweater, book discarded on a nearby stack. 

Ivy didn't say anything, just held her girlfriend close as Raph began to sob in earnest. Neither could say how long they stayed like that, tangled up in the mire of their emotions and tears and snot. By the time Raph's tears ran dry, Ivy was gently combing her fingers through her hair, expression utterly unreadable. 

"Are you done?" 

Raph sniffled once more and nodded. Ivy pressed a kiss to her forehead and resumed talking.

"I know this hurts, and I'm going to miss you. But you have been an amazing friend and partner. I couldn't ask for anyone better, except maybe if I could get someone who was slightly less fond of magnets." Raph smiled at that, and Ivy took a deep breath and continued. "The time I spent with you was some of the best of my very, very long life. And the fact that my life is ending doesn't change those years we had together. You can even come visit, if you promise to behave."

The next few days passed uneventfully, with Raphaella helping Ivy pack for her retirement and the remaining crew members drifting in occasionally to say things that were never quite goodbyes. When the day itself finally came, Raph locked herself in her lab, refusing to emerge until months later when Brian broke though the door and retrieved her from the pool of her own blood. 

\--

Raphaella never did visit that sleepy library planet. With no one to distract her, she threw herself into her experiments with greater fervor than ever before, until even the siren song of science held no allure. In her grief, she asks the advice of the only other person still on the ship. Aurora does not have much experience with relationships, not anymore, but she does her best to be helpful. 

There are only so many places Raph can go to escape the specter of her loss. Out the airlock, at this point, seems cliché, and Raphaella has always had a flair for the dramatic. With Aurora by her side, the two embark on a last great adventure, perhaps to reunite with their loves on the other side.


End file.
